Deception ... for inception

My room , my place                                             25 August 2010

4:12 am

N.. ,

" You are way more beautiful than the essence of beautiful. "

I know what i say, breaks the moral imbalance ,
I know that you portray to this world that you are married ,
I know that you portray to this world that you are a committed soul
I know that you want all to believe, what you want all to see ,

But i give you the right to come to me,
if ever you feel that he has less respect of you ,
I gave you the right to come to me,
if ever you see a hatred for your essence in his eyes ,
I gave you the right to seek me,
if ever you feel he is a mistrust towards you ...


I want you to come to me if you can bestow your faith upon mine, that I will respect you, that I will never share you with any other soul, and I will love you as the God wants to show the feeling of love.


I ask you to ask me for my space ,
I ask you to take one special corner of my heart and rest their forever ,


           if and only if ....you come to me as a new different reflection,
                              you come to me as a new entity than what you were before,
                              and when you're with me , you forget that you were ever married,




And when you go away from me, you remember me .
                                                                                                .
                                                                                . 
                                                   just as a dream ...


                                                                                             love ,
                                                                                               Ricky

                     

Destruction for Construction

The truth always prevail ...

This happened in between the days of 21 August 2010 and 24 August 2010 .
It's time , the world knows the real truth. It's the power of a pen baby ... (in this case , the power of a keyboard ;p )

lol ... i am amazed to see , what just one phone call does. 
I'm not writing this anymore ... let it be , the last remembrance that's unseen.  






O my panchi, I know that you are proudly telling our God what i have done.
I know that by this, i have given you the power of respect. 
I know, that somewhere in the 'Land of Gods' , you are blowing kisses and kisses for me.
I know that i have mocked your illusion with the hands of mine, you protected.

I know that i gave you ...you . 

Ricky

The curled innocence ...

Mc Donalds, Kashmiri Gate, Delhi                                                                                                             15/08/10

07:34 pm

I’m amazed to see her talk so much. I mean, of all the faces I’ve observed yet, her’s is of those which are usually busy with themselves and does not aspire the naturistic reality. But she on the other hand is all about expressions. And with a smile like that, I bet she can score dicap. ^^ A white cutsleeve, elegant top with blue jeans and shiny white and black sandals. But that’s just the presentation; the awesome part is “that even the bold outlook could not match the inner esctasy … of life”. In short, she’s special in all the special ways.

source : Asin

Prologue

The past never leaves you...

'Cinderella' ...he said.

'And why is that what should be my name' ...she replied.

' Well , you know ...i've seen you , i've known you from the past two years. And what i observe ..is that you're something .. i man ..that face and those reactions ...they make a perfect rhythm . You're imaginations ..your talks , the way you see things.The main thing is , you cannot imagine limitless ..and yet you need fear to control you , because believe me  you cannot live with it ...nor without it . '

' Without what ? '

' Without the fear . You know it yourself ...you just dont wanna believe it. '

' Whatever ricky . You talk odd , although i like the name :)   Yeah , somehow it suits me .
  I'll just wait for my rescue prince.. '

' You'll never have him , because even if he's with you ...you'll never be able to realise it. '

' Blah Blah !! Now stop it with your so called theories ....I gotta go . Mom's calling .
  Bbye . '

' Goodbye . '



I never saw her again... she was moving to a new place . That day at dawn , i thought she'd come to say goodbye before leaving ........ But i guess , i was never that important ..or else she was so busy in her own emptiness .
Well , that was fifteen years back . Now , it's all different. I haven't changed ..but i've grown ...a lot. But you know ...i still couldn't forget that last day with her. And whenever i try to tyhink about it .. i'm never able to figure out why i said those lines to her . Was i in love with her ...or was it just like one of my so many predictions. But i want to know ...what was in her eyes that urged me to say those words... I wish , somehow ...i could live that moment again. Somehow she comes back to say goodbye ..Somehow ...

Although i know , its no use thinking about her. I tried to find her ....so much , And atlast when i really found her , after like three years of efforts ..it came to me that she died just a day before i actually found her. She died in a plane crash. They never found her body. The airlines company says either its blown into ashes or its lying somewhere deep in the ocean. They've searched for three days, thus filling the criteria for searching of people in crash incidents. So they dont want to spend any more money in searching. What do they care ...they found 139 out of 140. One does not count that much. In the end, its just a girl..      just a girl that i loved .

Changes ...

Someone wrote this during the best times of my life ... june or september 2009


These pale longing eyes
speak a lot
show the loneliness hidden in his heart
the guilt struck on his soul
the wait that is seered endless
his heart seems to be corked
his thoughts deep within
abducted by his own brain
long living the dilemmas 
Choking his soul ...
                         ..He looks like a junkie
                           His heart and brain fighting
                           He is completely lost
                           his own world killing him
                           his thoughts seething
But he is still falling for the same things,

still calling the same names,
still speaking the same lines,
still loving her rhymless,
still haunted by the same fear..
still killing himself . . .

                                     -Panchi
                                               vv


See how the world shows its fate my love , whatever you wrote , turned out to be the future ...
i still sometimes wonder , what would have happened if you had told me that you'll be forced to die , that you'll be forced to be 'converted' . i wonder if i could have stopped that . But i have given up my love , i have done what you asked me to . I have freed the killer my love , i let her go. I respect your act of forgiveness , but this was the last remembrance my love .... this was the last . As you are no more with me . 
But i'l always ask you in my dreams .... 'Did you know it before ... Did you know she was gonna kill you ..'
And i know i'll never get my answer .... because you are a saint , and you know that i never was . 

                                -Ricky


O my love ... 
Thy's faith will rest in my soul,
Thy's end will never come again ,
Thy's mourne will never be felt ,
Thou's remembrance as my lover will always rest in my deepest secrets,
But i will always believe , that you are my beloved daughter,
who died in vein ...saving my existence ... and thus smiling. 

A.R.M

My X girlfriend

...
Ssup baby , how's life . Lol .
i think i should start on the real thing now :-) one of the main reasons i'm writing this , is cause i seriously dont wanna forget this feeling .. As i eventually do everytime, i have loads of other more important stuff you know ;-). Music is my life , books are my passion , novels are my thrills , love is ... you know what it is for me, but still as i know your stupid brain always assumes the illusion ... So i must state 'girls are my love' ..so true still a blaze . And the people , well they are just my subordinates . And i must thankyou again for teaching me the real meaning of a girl . I was so wrong in the past you know. Girls are those females which can do anything and everything expected or unexpected . Lol. I sometimes seriously laugh at the past me. But dont get too happy my dearest ... This blog aint for your happiness you dumbo , it's just a retribution . Anyways, you'll realise that till i end it . And you know na that dumb is the biggest abuse as i see them. Bah! I'm getting tired writing this shit. And all you readers dont laugh so much on the last line you fuckers cause you all know how much satisfied you feel while your in the loo alone , doing stuff . ;-)

My X girlfriend

...
Ssup baby , how's life . Lol .
i think i should start on the real thing now :-) one of the main reasons i'm writing this , is cause i seriously dont wanna forget this feeling .. As i eventually do everytime, i have loads of other more important stuff you know ;-). Music is my life , books are my passion , novels are my thrills , love is ... you know what it is for me, but still as i know your stupid brain always assumes the illusion ... So i must state 'girls are my love' ..so true still a blaze . And the people , well they are just my subordinates . And i must thankyou again for teaching me the real meaning of a girl . I was so wrong in the past you know. Girls are those females which can do anything and everything expected or unexpected . Lol. I sometimes seriously laugh at the past me. But dont get too happy my dearest ... This blog aint for your happiness you dumbo , it's just a retribution . Anyways, you'll realise that till i end it . And you know na that dumb is the biggest abuse as i see them. Bah! I'm getting tired writing this shit. And all you readers dont laugh so much on the last line you fuckers cause you all know how much satisfied you feel while your in the loo alone , doing stuff . ;-)

My X girlfriend