The cute little red bag ...

3:45pm   22 July '10


McDonalds, Mumbai Central .


She's in white . Her bag's in red . Andi dont know, whats more cute. I see her eyes , and i cant take my eyes off her . And now the side face , omg! She curls her hair once a while . Sadness !! , she's going away from my sight. Aah ! it hurts . :( Okay ! I'm going to ask her ... And here i go ........ Bah! She's sitting in the corner seat with a guy. And there's no other chair to attach. IMBA sadness ! ;(

                                                 for a moment that i saw her , i saw a simple intro(vert) girl standing in a crowd full of strangers, feeling a bit of shy, showing a bit of self defence, letting the world know that she's not just some other girl... It was a curve her cheeks were making , that instantly blew my mind away. I so much wish i could know her. Once , i could hear her voice. Aweee... Ricky is blushing . :) But as the world goes by , so the time will go by .....And so she will .....be, just a girl that i saw . 

A little infatuation ...

4:41 pm , 21 July '10


McDonalds, aundh , pune

And there comes a 12year old , with a grey jacket and black imprinted grey shirt inside ... She has a band on her hair pulling them back a bit , just like my sister used to have when she was a twelve year old :) . And now she's sitting like i occasionally sit while observing people and their fantasies. And now i can just see her side face , still she's looking so innocent ... eating her pizzaMcPuf .

                                            But my real sister sitting in front is getting fed up....
                                                                                                                   So i must move on


                                                ...And so i do

A journey of remembrance

I wrote this while i was in rajdhani express going from delhi to bombay a few days back . I saw a couple sitting on the left side seats of my cabin . They seemed to be a newly married couple . There was an aura of the freshness of new love around them . And it somehow reminded me of the good times of my past love . The way they were talking to each other in hindi , reminded me of the sweet little talk i used to have . It was all so special for me . And at night , around 3 am i saw the girl come down and sleep with her partner . And around 4 am , their faces were so close and seemed to be so happy being there ... it just seemed like that even in sleep they were loving each other ... hugging each other without the essence of touch . And that reminded me , of something i always wanted for my relationship ... something i tried to do once ... something i gave my past love ... a freedom i tried to put in her ...............................

And i wrote this then :

I know my age not speak of my passion for the love of a love

I know thou may be higher than me in the feeling of anxiety and faith 

I know thou may flow with the flow of life mocking me as thou's smaller bearer 

But i must tell you my unknown symbols , my watching of you two at the wake of an hour gave me the remembrance of my one lost love ..

But i must tell you my unknown faith , the bond i see between thou hearts is the bond i always admire 

But i must tell you my unknown brethren , the way i see your spirit of freedom resting in your counterpart ,                                         my memories rejoice and i remember , I tried that too .

dedicated to : the two unknown bearers  and my past feeling of love .

p.s. I dont know why , but i could not write 'once' at the end .

* The word 'brethren' refers to that man , as if saying that hes my brother in a way .

The Disposal of Gold

written on 5:32 am 
25 May 2010 




CONSTRUCT: i love you ...
DESTRUCT: i love you way more ...

CONSTRUCT: i think i cannot live without you.
DESTRUCT: i wont let you live without me.

CONSTRUCT: you're all i ever wanted .
DESTRUCT: do i make you happy abhinav ?

CONSTRUCT: here's your card sweetie .
DESTRUCT: i love it more than you do .

CONSTRUCT: when i touch you, it feels like i'm touching my god .
DESTRUCT: cause i'll be with you , even if he leaves you honey.

CONSTRUCT: you're my destiny .
DESTRUCT: you're my dream .

CONSTRUCT: i want to spend the rest of my life with you .
DESTRUCT: i so much want to too, but i cant. But maybe i will, one day ...

CONSTRUCT: when i see you, i feel like you were born to be mine .
DESTRUCT: aweee ...

CONSTRUCT: please let me sleep na .
DESTRUCT: wake up na honey .

CONSTRUCT: and she says she hates me .
DESTRUCT: :)

CONSTRUCT: you're the one sweetie .
DESTRUCT: i was alwas . Stupid ! :)

CONSTRUCT: i hate you for behaving this way .
DESTRUCT: i hate you for making me do that .

CONSTRUCT: i'm sorry baby , i love you .
DESTRUCT: i'm sorry too , love.

CONSTRUCT: in a way , i like to be dependent on you .
DESTRUCT: But i love it , i want to be your wall .

CONSTRUCT: i miss you so much , its been so much time i've seen you .
DESTRUCT: Aweee , my baby. I miss you more ...morest.

CONSTRUCT: do just this for me na baby .
DESTRUCT: i hate it when you're all dependent on me and stuff .

CONSTRUCT: lets go party .
DESTRUCT: Always ready .

CONSTRUCT: why you do these things. please stop doing them , it hurts so much .
DESTRUCT: i'm sorry , but i'm like this only na.

CONSTRUCT: It's alright baby , i'll change you with my love .
DESTRUCT: i dont think i'll ever change in these things .

CONSTRUCT: then i'll change myself to live with it. although still please try to change . its wrong baby .
DESTRUCT: uh! i was thinking of something else . What were you saying ?!

CONSTRUCT: i dont like him .
DESTRUCT: i dont care .

CONSTRUCT: There are some basic things na sweetie .
DESTRUCT: Ya [ i dont give a fuck ! ]

CONSTRUCT: i feel lonely . it's been so much time i've seen you .
DESTRUCT: Loneliness is self made .

CONSTRUCT: i'm sorry for anything i did .
DESTRUCT: it doesnt matter. its ok though .

CONSTRUCT: lets go somewhere out. i wanna see you .
DESTRUCT: Na ... dont have time .

CONSTRUCT: i love you .
DESTRUCT: Ya .

CONSTRUCT: Do you love me .
DESTRUCT: i dont know .

CONSTRUCT: Dont do this . i love you . Things will be better . Have faith in me .
DESTRUCT: I dont know . I just want to breakup with you .

CONSTRUCT: Why are we doing this if we are almost having a breakup ?
DESTRUCT: It happens between a boy and a girl .

CONSTRUCT: I love you so much baby . I'll be better . We'll pass on through these times .
DESTRUCT: Ya . I love you too . Ya . 


CONSTRUCT: But you said you'll never leave me. You love me so much. Dont do this . I cant                                live without  you . Believe me , i'll keep you happy , way way happy. Please ...
DESTRUCT: I dont care , i want a breakup .

CONSTRUCT: I cant do this , i love you . I cant accept it .
DESTRUCT: No! I want you to accept it . I want you to say and believe it is mutual .

CONSTRUCT: But it is not . You're ditching me . I dont want this .
Idont know about that , just accept this as a mutual breakup for me . Please , for me !

CONSTRUCT: I have never bound you and never will . I gave you all the freedom , all the love and i wont take it back from you .                                Yes , i accept it , but just for you .
DESTRUCT: Ya . Ok . Thankyou .

CONSTRUCT: Ilove you sweetie . Please come back ,. I'll change myself in everything you'll want me to .
DESTRUCT: No! We are just friends now .


CONSTRUCT: But i love you .
DESTRUCT: I dont love you anymore .

CONSTRUCT: But you loved me . And i'm so sure of it . I could see it . No one can prove me wrong . Not even god .
DESTRUCT: I dont know what love is anymore . And even if i did , i dont anymore .

CONSTRUCT: I miss you .
DESTRUCT: Fuck you .

CONSTRUCT: I love you so much . Dont do this .
DESTRUCT: Fuck off .

CONSTRUCT: I've changed in almost everything you complained earlier . Look.
DESTRUCT: So what !

CONSTRUCT: I miss her so much . I tried everything . Why cant i fuckin give up !
DESTRUCT: Aah . I'm going out on a party with my friends .




CONSTRUCT: Enough of it ! I'm out of her ! Let her go to hell ! Now i know what really happened . I have my own life to live . And now its my turn to party ...





DESTRUCT: you make fun of our relationship, our past .
CONSTRUCT: Now its my turn to laugh .

DESTRUCT: Go fuck yourself .
CONSTRUCT: Na ... now i prefer you .

DESTRUCT: Please stop this .
CONSTRUCT: Its my wish ... my life .

DESTRUCT: Dont do this anymore . Please let me live .
CONSTRUCT: Did you let me !!!

DESTRUCT: I beg you .
CONSTRUCT: I dont believe in charity .




ABSTRACT : CONSTRUCT ;

All this time , i thought you still cared for me ...you were helping me in some way i couldn't imagine . But you were NOT . You were just being selfish !

You Hypocratic Bitch !!!

The prediction of the unseen

somewhere around the days of October 2009 ,

We both were sitting below the 'lovers tree' in front of the tuck shop. Somehow she got the idea of writing something . And then i came up with the topic "How Did i Die in 4 Days. " I never knew that what i would write , would actually become my destiny . I never knew that i was writing my future , not my imagination . See the irony of god , i blamed him so much for all the times of my break up phase , and now i see him smiling over me , saying "You wrote it yourself son."

The prediction :

How DID i die in 4 days ?

My last Breath ... It was the biggest breath in my whole life , it stayed for four long days ... and then it was gone ... Everything gone . It started with a cry ... her cry . A call from so close but so far ... she was holding out her hand, but not to touch ... but to say goodbye . They were taking her away ... she wasn't fighting ... she was going away . She wasn't helpless ... but neither was she strong . It was a fight way overpowered than her ... she was still not prepared ... time had come before time ... It wasn't her defeat ... it was mine . The long found love, was lost ... the stars were still there , but the shine was gone ... I didn't know if this showed a ray of hope ... or an indispensable eternity . But ... She was going away ... the separation was going past the time ... She was being snatched away ... with an invisible force ... I couldn't stop her ... because there was no one their taking her away ... It was she only ... and only she ... going away ... towards a crowd but still alone ... lonely now ... lonely forever ... lonely life ... and lonely death...

When i was finally over with it , we compared our writings ... She knew it herself there was no match between their compositions . Still , i always said that hers was better .Her's was a little mis-happening in her dream , just dreaming that she found a knife and thrashed it somewhere . And then whoever was passing by us , we called them up and asked them to read both and compare . And i was running to everyone , telling them in their ears "Say that her's is better . Please . " . I know her brain ,she still thinks it was just a game of mine to show the unreal perspective of my love .... as she never knew , it was way more than real .